My Independence

Independence is something we strive for as young adults.  We're constantly bombarded to be self-reliant and not need help.  But my independence tends to by my downfall.  I'm fiercely independent and sometimes it gets in the way of relationships.

It is never my intention to be antisocial or rude, but I am self reliant most days.  I need space.  I need time to myself. The thing I fear is that my relationship will become my identity and I never want to give that a chance to happen.
Sorry if I tend to push people away.  I could sit and write for hours about how many times people I trusted with my life, ripped me apart.  I'm a cynic.  I'm a loner.  I'm distrusting.  And I'm way too young to be those things, but it doesn't change the fact that I am.
I don't mean to push or to draw back, but when I see those warning signs, I go into self preservation mode and I immediately retreat behind my walls.  If you really want to know me, to be my friend, to love me, you have to understand that.  You cant just assume that I hate you or I'm stuck up or I'm antisocial, because I'm not.  I'm just doing my best and sometimes my best isn't good enough.  I hate myself sometimes for how I recoil from human interaction.  I hate that when people try to make plans with me, I want to say no every time and have to force myself to say yes.  I hate being this way and I'm trying as hard as I can not to be that way. I don't like to settle for less than I want so I tend to stay alone.
So give me a chance.  Try to break down my walls.  Try to rescue me from my self-made prison.  Just don't get upset if I don't seem willing, because deep down I am.