Just Hurry

Our future is in your hands.
I suppose I should go ahead and walk away but something inside me is begging me to stay.
I leave the decision up to you, but I beg you, just make it fast.
As much as I hope you choose me, part of me is worried that you won't.
If you leave, I'll be okay with some time.
I know how to put myself back together in the wake of heart break.
After all, you taught me the first time.
But if you choose me, please do it now.
I feel like I'm hovering in an unknown area waiting for your decision to be made.
The one person I could tell is being distant, and honestly I don't mind.
She has nothing positive to say to me anymore.
She would immediately go for the worst and assume you're leaving me.
And maybe she'd be right.
But somehow it hurts more coming from her, like the idea of you wanting me is unbelievably stupid.
Like I'm an idiot for hoping.
And I can't stand that about her.
So I'm trusting you to make the choice.
I'm not seeking outside opinion.
I'm trying not to dwell on the thought of you but dear Lord in heaven it's the hardest thing I've ever done.
So hurry up and break my heart.
Or hurry up and put it back together,
whichever it may be, just hurry.