My Nineteens

They say you find yourself in your twenties.

I think I've found myself in my nineteens'.

One year ago, I wouldn't have recognized the girl I see in the mirror right now.  Not that that's a problem, seeing as I actually love who im becoming.  A year ago I never would have been this strong, this determined or this happy.

I haven't found myself in the way I thought I would either.  I guess I figured it would be gradual and Id be happy, skipping through fields with soft music playing in the back ground and the sun shining off my hair.

I never knew it would be instantaneous.  That it would come through on entire year of depression and tears and loneliness.  I never knew that in one second, everything would change, like a light bulb coming on and I would be stronger than I ever thought imaginable.

I've changed more in the last three weeks than I have maybe in my entire life. 

I know what I want.  I am no longer willing to settle for anything less.  I know what my goals are and while I may not see a straight shot to them, I plan to achieve them all the same.  I don't get mad about minor things like I used to and I have an inner confidence that supplies peace in every situation.

I look back at who I was and I cringe.  I was so sad.  So broken.  So willing to be trampled on by worthless people.  I willingly let my heart get broken and I was ready to settle for a sick, twisted, one way love that could have really damaged me.

I look in the mirror today and I am amazed at what I have become.  There is a strength present and a spark in my eyes that I've never witnessed there before.  I stand taller, smile brighter and laugh louder.  My breaths are easy, not labored with the task of faking it anymore.  And I wouldn't trade this version of me in for anything else.  Im on the road to success.  Im on the road to happiness.  Im on the road to my future and I don't plan on making anymore pit stops.