Silence and Stillness

Silence is my enemy.
It rages around me and drives into my ears like a knife.
It makes the pounding in my skull unbearable.
It feeds my doubts and fears and uncertainty.
It gives me too much room to think.
To overthink.
And overthink again.
Silence is not a refuge for me as it is for so many others.
I dread silence.
I dread the overwhelming feelings that come with it.
I need noise constantly.
Ear buds connect me to my surplus of music on my IPod, giving me sanctuary.
It doesn't distract me, but lulls me to focus.
I have to listen to music while I write and while I sleep.
Silence is detrimental to my mental capabilities.

Likewise, stillness creates panic in me.
I have to move or do or be involved in something.
My leg is always bouncing or my fingertips tapping.
I cant sit still for anything.
I move and twist and turn in my sleep.

Silence and stillness rip the sanctuary from my life and cause chaos.
So, do not expect some quiet, calm girl from me.
I am a hurricane of noise and motion and thoughts that I can't keep inside.
If you find me silent or still, be afraid, for its only the calm before the storm.