All Over Again

He makes my heart speed up.
He makes my head spin.
He makes me question all the choices I've ever made.
I'm not sure he realizes what he's doing to me from so many miles away. When he was here it was different. I couldn't stop thinking about him. He was my first thought in the morning and my last thought at night, and I "knew" I loved him. But he left. And every day with him gone, my heart got a little lighter. The burden of unrequited love wasn't as heavy because I wasn't so sure it was love at all. I figured out how to breathe without him. My heart had room once again for someone else. I found a "someone else". He's perfect. He's gorgeous. I thought I was doing a fabulous job of getting him to talk to me until he started talking to someone else. As my heart tries to figure out what it wants, he comes back, out of nowhere, my first love, my knight in shining armor. Though now, he seems to be more of a loser wrapped in crinkly tin foil than a majestic knight who can ride in and save the day.
He was absent from my life for so long, I forgot how much it hurt to even see his name. Now, he's thrown himself into my life. His name pops up on my phone and I dismiss his text message. His name pops up on any number of my social media sites and I close the notifications with a sigh.
I thought it might be easier to figure him out when he left, but he's all the more confusing with distance between us. I don't understand what he wants. His name lights up my phone again and I read his name on the screen over and over. Ive decided to engage in his silly texts and his useless comment conversations. I'm in deeper now, I think to myself. I never should have given in. I never should have replied. A lot of good this realization is doing me now, after the fact. Now that I cant change things. Now that I've let him in again. Now that I'm falling all over again and am facing inevitable collision that is sure to hurt in the end. Now I'm in too deep. Now I'm falling in love.