Warring Sides

There are two sides to me, like to most things.
It is a daily struggle between what I want to feel and what I actually feel. 
I want to be confidant so I fight against my insecurities and self-doubt.
I want to be care free and fun so I fight against my anxiety and the constant knot in my stomach.
I want to be beautiful so I fight to see good qualities when I look in the mirror.
I want to be outgoing so I fight against the nausea that attacks me when someone comes up and says hi.

Some days, I win.  Some days I am confident and care free and beautiful and outgoing.  Some days Im the girl I've always dreamt of being.
But some days, my insides win out.  Some days I am so self conscious, that its hard to even be awake.  Sometimes Im so anxious I make myself physically sick.  Sometimes I cant help but withdraw into myself.

It's hard, to look in the mirror and not know which girl you're going to see.  Its a war that im constantly fighting and it gets in the way of many things.  I only pray that one day, I can win the war.