Beautiful, Terrible Distance

Sometimes all you really need is distance.
Distance is a beautiful, troubling thing.  Too much can distort things and make them seem more beautiful than they are.  Too little and all you see are the flaws.
But sometimes, you drift out and get it just right.  You can see everything for what it truly is.  You get the bigger picture.  You forget the tiny details that seemed momentous when they were staring you in the face.
I took some steps back recently.
And I still can't see things as clearly as I'd like.
But I can see more than I did in the black storm cloud I walked away from.

I can see that some friendships aren't meant to last a lifetime.
And sticks and stones are not the only thing that can break you.
I can see that there are some feelings that never go away.
That time twists and distorts them into new, strange entities you never asked for.
I can see that some people will never truly see how much I love them.
And that I am guilty of the same things.
I can see that, if I'm patient, God is always going to answer my prayers.
And the answer isn't always what I want to hear.
I can see how healthy I am emotionally, and mentally.
And how bad off I was for a while there.
I can see that there are people in my life that I don't deserve and I take them for granted.
And that some people who didn't deserve me where taking me for granted as well.

I can't see it all.  I don't know where my heart is.  I don't know how my life is going to change in the coming months, or how I'll handle it.  I don't know exactly who I am.

But I know I'm worth more than the selfish people I used to associate with.  I know writing is all I'm ever going to want to do with my life.  I know that as hard as school is for me, its helping me.  I know that I am never alone, that God is always with me.  I know that life will always be a crazy ride.  All we get to choose is weather we hold on, or let go.