Fighting for A New Reality

 

I am a hopeless romantic in the truest sense of the phrase.

I believe in happily ever after. I believe in true love. I believe in love at first sight.

 I believe in forever. And no matter how ridiculous it sounds, I believe in the Hollywood moments that spice up real life.

 I believe in chasing someone down at the airport to tell them you love them. I believe that a love once found is never truly lost. I believe in shutting a girl up with an insane kiss. I believe in those gut wrenchingly beautiful, romantic, passionate, heartfelt moments. I believe in saying I love you a thousand times over in a day. I believe in running to each other in the torrential down pouring rain.

You can call me crazy, or disillusioned, or delusional. You can call me whatever you want. But I believe that love like that can exist. It can be more than just Hollywood's idea of love and it can be a reality. It doesn't have to be a movie or a Nicholas Sparks book. It can be real.

What if guys fought for girls like Noah fought for Allie in The Notebook? What if a young couple fell deeply, madly, passionately in love in their teens like Gus and Hazel in The Fault in Our Stars? What if we consciously made an effort to live the way those characters do? What if we gave it all up for someone we loved and we didn't let them get away? What if we chased people down on the freeway with a dead love fern in the front of a motorcycle? (How to lose a guy in ten days *cough*) We wonder why some people are so fixated on having a romance like in a movie but why shouldn't we be? Should big grand gestures of love only exist on the big screen or pressed between the pages of a book? Why not shout it out at the top of your lungs? Why not kiss in the rain? Why not get all swept up in one another? Why not make it reality?

I believe it can be because I think it should be more than a script. It should be a commonality. It should be normal and typical and magical and completely real.

Love like that exists, we just have to have the courage to show it.

Finding You

You're far away.

I can't count the distance in miles or hours or any measure known to man.

It will be years before I see your face again, but not before I see you.

I see you in pictures.

I see you in dreams.

I see you in memories that I replay over and over again in my head.

I see you a lot, but I find you more.

I find you in the sun rays peaking through the clouds.

I find you in the tall white birds that perch in the shallow water.

I find you in my mannerisms.

I find you in my heart.

I find you in the perfume that you used to wear.

I find your guidance in things we've long ago discussed.

I find you in the color of my bedroom wall.

I find you in sermons and stories and books.

I find you in so many books.

I find you in the things we used to share, and the things we used to do.

For when a person is near, you find them not at all.

It's when a person leaves, and your heart craves them that you find them everywhere.

Renewed

People have a sick fascination with intoxication. Whether it be by illegal substance, prescription abuse, or alcoholism, people love the "high" and that is a truly terrifying fact. I just got home from two exhausting, hot, taxing but totally worth while weeks of church camp. I recommitted my life to God on Tuesday, July 8th, and let me tell you a little secret, ready?
You can be high on something other than brain killing narcotics. You can, in fact, be high on life. I can tell you from first hand experience that happiness is the best natural high you could ever find. I have been in a moody, dark, sad, angry, depression since September of 2013. For the first time in eleven months, I am truly happy. My soul is finally at rest and my heart is soaring through the clouds. I smile almost constantly. I laugh, completely and wholly uncaring of what anyone else thinks. I am finally happy. That isn't to say that I don't get sad or cry or get upset, because I certainly do, but the difference is that the sadness doesn't rule me anymore. It doesn't take over my mind and create twisted, sad views of the future. It doesn't warp my sense of self or my view of the world anymore. And this change was instantaneous. I bowed my head with a hateful heart and fifteen minutes later, after giving it all to God and deciding to life my faith instead of just say it, I opened my eyes with a sense of lightness and a genuine smile.
Finding God and letting him move through you is seriously one of the most incredible experiences in life. I have never found anything that eases my burdens like the hand of my Lord and Savior. I can't even describe the sensation I had after I gave it all back to Christ. Words like "peaceful" and "joyous" and "lightness" come to mind but don't even begin to encompass how amazing it was. I was weightless. I felt like I could literally soar through the clouds.
I don't know what your walk with God looks like. I don't even know if you have one. All I know, all I can tell you, is that I was lost and drowning in sadness and pain. If you read back like four posts, you find a dark, pained individual who couldn't tear the pain from her mind long enough to write a happy poem. As of Tuesday however, I can't fathom anything less the magnificently joyous. I didn't know peace like this could find my heart again. Now I'm not saying nothing will ever go wrong, because it will probably go worse than before as Satan tries to trip me up. And I'm not saying nothing hurts and nothing phases you, but I am saying that if you just give it all to God, ALL of it, all the good, the bad, the ugly, the pretty, the stupid, the huge, the miniscule, give it all up to him, and you will find that things are easier to heal from. If you rest in God's arms, the arms that created you, and take advice from the mouth that breathed life into Adam in the garden of Eden, nothing can take you away from him. You can wander down the wrong roads but he will find you again. He will always be there, and that is a high that you never lose.