Trying

I am trying.

Trying not to talk about it.

Trying not to bring it up in ever conversation.

Trying not to think about it.

Trying to move on.

Trying not to whine.

Trying not to use the word heartbroken.

Trying not to overreact.

Trying to understand how something that was only planned,

and never took place could hurt so much.

Trying to decide if I should tell you that I know.

Trying to figure out if you even care.

 

I'm trying not to feel broken.

Or empty.

Or betrayed.

Or hurt.

 

I'm trying to come up with words for what this feeling is, but all I can think is "empty".

Waves of hurt come and go.

As do waves of sadness, of treachery, of confusion, of nothingness.

I 've never felt so helplessly lost in all my life.

 

And the really messed up thing is,

I think you would know how to help me.

You know what this is.

You know how to fix it.

You've been in this living nightmare.

You live it every day.

Yet, you put me here too.