No matter the number of times my mind utters "it's over", his face still haunts my dreams. No matter how many times I tell myself "he isn't worth it", my heart still yearns for him. It is as though the moment I decide to have resolve and be strong, the universe throws him back under my feet and I'm head over heals again. I can't get him out of my head. He isn't mine to miss but I miss him. He isn't mine to protect but I want to protect him. He isn't mine at all. I just want him. It's a grueling, inescapable cycle of clear-headedness and psychosis. I'm lost in the middle trying to find solid ground again meanwhile my heart has been through a preverbal blender. Confusion crashes it's waves along the hull of my consciousness. The tumult rips pieces of my heart away from me and I lie in anguish. Tears streak my face. My breath is quick. I'm dying of a need that I don't know how to fill. I just want to scrub his face from my mind and forget that I ever knew his name. I want to hate him. I can't.
He is my dream. Yet somehow, my nightmare.
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