Even when it breaks

Do you ever want to go back to the way it was before? Just for a day. For a few select moments. And really soak it in. To have a chance to relieve those moments you took for granted? To engrave those happy, carefree moments in your heart and lock them away for a rainy day?
I do.
I without a doubt, absolutely, totally do.
I miss my best friends. Both of them whose friendship ended in a useless argument that now seems irrelevant. I regret what happened. I wish it happened differently. Sometimes I wish it hadn't happened at all. But at this point I've tried to reconnect to both of them and was once again left disappointed. I guess that's what I get for assuming it would go seamlessly back together without a hitch. Instead the pieces are shattered more now than ever before. On nights like these, when I am so utterly alone, I look back and realize they're really gone. He's miles away, enjoying his life without another thought about me. She's around the corner and I bet it doesn't tear her heart out to drive past my street like it does me.
I guess in the long run I know it's for the best. We fell apart for a reason. They aren't meant to be in my future. But sometimes, like tonight, I find myself aching to talk to him. Or to laugh with her. Or to hug him. Or to cry with her. I feel like the other half of my soul was torn out and replaced only to be torn out again. And still it hangs empty. Maybe that's how the loneliness gets in. It creeps in and fills the void making it seem deeper and colder than ever before. I'm missing them. Both of them. And they probably won't ever miss me again. So here's to lost friendships and reminiscing, even when it breaks your heart.

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