I didn't want to let you go. You have to know that. You have to realize that leaving you was one of the hardest things to do. You were my last string, my last anchor holding me to my past. The part of my heart that longs for the familiar screamed at me to keep you close. But reality told me different. You are a toxin that I had to be rid of. Had I stayed in your presence, I surely would have died.
It's different up here. Floating above the things I know. Landing for a moment anywhere I please, but never growing my roots deep enough to stay. It feels a touch like freedom. It feels a touch lonely. But mostly, it feels like breath is finally coming back into my lungs.
I had no idea how long you were holding me under water; denying me air. Denying me life. You sat the weight of betrayal on my chest and expected me to carry on like nothing had changed. I failed you there, but I don't mind. I couldn't live that way anymore. That's why I left.
I want to be vengeful and hope that me pulling away is killing you half as much as you killed me. But I know better. You won't feel the sting until you've made some drastic mistake. You won't realize I'm gone until you need something and I'm not there to give it. But right now, in this moment, I doubt you even know I'm gone.
You were poison. Sucking life from someone else just so you can live yourself. Call me selfish, whatever you please, but I'd like to live for me for a while.
