Every Motion

I'm reading into every motion.
Every word.
Every look.
Is this how friends behave?
I try and use caution as I have been wrong so many painful times before but I have a tendency to be reckless.
A tendency to fall into things to soon.
To take on things I can't handle.
Things I don't want.
My track record is marred and scuffed up with the records of my failings.
Of my misguided judgments.
Of my mistakes.
I can't help but think you'll just be another name on the list of people I ruined.
I am careful with everything but my heart.
And truth be told, I know you have a habit of breaking those.

I pretend not to be jealous when you look at her.
I try to ignore the sickness in my stomach as you say her name over and over and over again.
I tell my self "he's just a friend" "he's just a friend" "he's just a friend"
Somehow, no matter how many times I say those words they never feel quite true.
This friendship is something I don't want to jeopardize though.
So I go on joking and laughing and watching.
I go on acting like a storm of nerves doesn't hit me every time I see you.
I go on acting like you're just my stupid friend.
Truth be told, I don't know how to stop acting.
I don't know if I should.
All I know for certain is that I want you in my life, as whatever you are, forever.