What I Wish and Wonder

My mind twirls your name like a delicate flower petal.

As if I think it to loudly it might disintegrate into nothing.

I wonder if you know the power you have over me.

I wonder if you know that seeing your name makes my heart skip a beat.

I wonder if you know that I'm terrified to start a conversation with you.

I wonder if you know I'll never have the courage and the task will fall to you.

I wonder if you know I never even meant to fall at all for you.

 

All I hear is your voice in my head.

All I see when I close my eyes is the brilliant color of yours.

I want those dazzling eyes to look at me the way I look at you.

With a gentle admiration.

With shyness and a hint of nervous terror.

With hope and happiness.

With some feeling I'm not to keen on identifying just yet.

I doubt you know what I think of you.

I know with certainty I don't know what you think of me.

I only wish I could ask without putting everything on the line.

Without exposing so much of myself.

Without the risk of being hurt like so many times before.

 

My past has scarred me and it bleeds into interaction with you.

I'm sorry I can't let go of the pain.

I'm sorry I fail to trust.

I'm sorry.

I need you.

I need you to pull from me the pain and share the burden.

If only for a while, it will be enough.

Everything feels right when I'm with you.

You just have to give me a chance to open up.

Give me time.

I promise I'll show you what you want to see.