Rough Edges

His green eyes shimmer as I catch his eye once again. He's been peeking over his shoulder at me for the past hour. My heart flutters in my chest as he faces the front of the classroom again, and with a sigh I close my eyes. How am I already this far gone? I wonder to myself. I daydream about what it would be like to hear him say my name. What it would feel like to hold his hand. What it would be like to be someone important to him. I try to shake it off but my mind is wound around the thought of him too tightly. I gaze at the back of his head and imagine what his tousled hair would feel like under my fingers. I see the muscles is his shoulders contract as he gazes over his shoulder again and I drop my eyes to my desk. I wonder if he knows that I can tell he's stealing looks at me. I wonder if he knows I'd love one of those looks to hold my gaze for just a moment longer. My stomach twists into knots as I hear my name and try to figure out what question the teacher just posed to me. I glance at my paper and mumble what I pray is the right answer as my cheeks flush red. I hold my breath until I hear the words "good job" pass from his lips, giving me permission to slip into my infatuation induced coma. My eyes drift back to the deep grey shirt in front of me and wander down the tan arm, coming to rest on the tattoo that scars his skin. I ache to ask what it means. When he got it. Why he wanted something so gruesome as a skull etched into his body forever. A familiar wanting wrenches my stomach and tugs at my heart. I will him to speak to me in my mind. I cross my fingers and wish he would at least smile at me. But that's not his style. He's too intense for that. He's dark and mysterious. He's introverted. But something inside me aches to pull out his inner joy. The happiness I can feel lurking at the very edge of the blackness. I know it's in him. It has to be. I crave to seek it out as I did with a boy like him so many years ago. A boy who stole my heart with a grimace and a shrug rather than a welcoming smile. Something within me is drawn to his darkness. Maybe its something I should ignore but it's too powerful. He awakens a part of me that has been in a deep sleep for a long time. The last time it was brought to life, my world was spinning like it is now, but I have never experienced more emotion than I did back then. And I'm dying to feel that again. He can make it happen. I know he can.