The Problem With Time

The problem with time is that it never slows down and waits for us to catch up. Once something happens, we have to move in sync with time and learn to deal as we move. These past eight months have held some of the biggest changes of my life and in moving on, I'm also learning how to cope.
In MAY I turned the big 18. I'm now legally an adult.
By JUNE I was officially a high school graduate.
At the end of JULY I was an international traveler.
Come AUGUST I began my career as a college student.
SEPTEMBER. A moth of loss, grief, silent tears, body wracking sobs, and confusion.
By OCTOBER I was lost as a bat trying to find my way. I also became a licensed driver. Finally.
Enter NOVEMBER and the first Thanksgiving without her. I also became the proud owner of a 1999 Red Chevy Silverado.
Now, as I sit in DECEMBER, I've endured my hardest Christmas yet.
As I look toward the coming moths I know changes will come and nothing will ever be quite the same again. Its a frightening thought really. But it's also inevitable. I guess in the end all we can do it hold on tight and hope that for one solitary, impossible, magical moment, time slows down just enough to let us catch up.

Short and sweet.

The sky is your limit.
The sun your own.
The stars light your pathway.
My heart is your home.

Fall into me.
I'll pull you near.
I'll hold your hand.
I'll fight your fear.

Your heart is mine.
And mine is yours.
Forever & always.
And forevermore.

Mine Alone

I stand at the frosty window with my hand idly tracing circles in the condensation. I stare out into the dimming light and wait. He'll be here soon. My heart pounds wildly with anticipation. I see headlights turning the corner on our long street. My heart skips a beat. I hold my breath. His black truck crunches ice beneath its large tires. Dropping my hand I run toward the stairs and fling myself down them in record time. My hand touches the doorknob the second he knocks. Taking a deep breath, I try to calm the storm surge of butterflies in my stomach to no avail. I turn the knob and open the heavy wooden door. Before me stands the epitome of handsome. His dark five o'clock shadow had grown into more of a darker, short, fuzzy, layer of hair. The ink black locks that were so short last time we spoke have grown out a little and lay tousled on his head. His eyes are the same. An unwavering, icy, sea foam green. My very favorite color, since I met him anyway. I collapse into his arms the moment I lay eyes on him. His chin rests on my head and his arms engulf my body in warm embrace. I missed you. He whispers into my hair. I hum my agreement. When we at last reluctantly release each other, I gaze up into his eyes. My whole world stands in front of me and no matter what else happens, in this moment, I know I'm experiencing the true meaning of love. Weightless, joyous, overwhelming, all-encompassing love. And I've never been happier, because this love, this joy and this man are mine, and mine alone.

It's twisted.

Why are the relationship standards also different for men and women? Why aren't we held to the same expectations? Why is it that if a girl sleeps around she's a variety of vulgar names but a guy that sleeps around is treated like a king? Why is it that when a girl cheats shes considered "easy" but a guy who cheats is just a player? Why is a woman weak to take back a man who wronged her but a man who takes a woman back is a saint? Why are the roles so opposite? Is there anything a guy can do to be looked down upon? The only thing I can think of is that when a man is faithful and loyal to a woman he's suddenly "whipped" and it's not considered a good thing. Like wise, is there anything women can do to be seen in a good light? If she's faithful to get man or decides to save herself for marriage she's suddenly a prude. How is it that the things we should be disgusted by and shocked by have become the things we congratulate? How is it that faithfulness is now a sign or weakness or timidity? I believe any weak person can go and sleep around, noncommittal and not invested but it takes a strong person to stay faithful to one other person through the good and the bad. I believe it takes strength to declare and stick to the decision to stay pure until marriage in a world where openness and sexuality is becoming more of a hobby than a special thing. I believe it takes strength to walk away from someone who hurt you and keep the best interest of your feelings in mind even though you love that person and would give anything to be with them. I believe the world we're growing up in is a drastically different place than it should be. We are constantly taught to stand up for what we believe and to be who we are and as soon as we do, we're shot down with insults and degrading remarks. A touchy example: The battle over same sex marriage is on fire in our country right now and it's kind of hypocritical. We tell people "love is love, be who you are" but when someone stands up for their beliefs and says "well I'm straight and that's the way I want to be" they get shot down with labels likes "close minded" and "bigot". How is it fair? We're just standing up for who we are like we've been taught and the world tells us who we are is wrong. The world says "be who you want. Do what makes you happy" but when I tell people I want to be a writer all I get is critics. I get the face like they've suddenly detected rotten fish. It's a "silly" profession I'm told. And people constantly offer me ideas on what I should do "to make a living". Listen up, I know it's and impossibly tough field. I know it's unstable. But it's MY CHOICE it's who I AM. that's what you've wanted all along right? We'll here it is. And you don't like it.
It's tough to figure things out in such a backward society that prides itself on being open yet only ever shuts people down. We should all be free to express our feelings regardless of who it offends. Feelings aren't meant to moderate or ease the tension or sugar coat or protect. Feelings are meant to be FELT regardless of how "politically incorrect" those feeling might be.