Wanting This

 I have never wanted something so gently and ardently as this.

When I open my eyes, it is the prayer on my lips as I wake.

When I close my eyes, it is the prayer on my lips as I slip into sleep.

And every moment in between is prayer after prayer, in every breath, in every thought, just for this.

I have never wanted something so simply, for no other reason than that my heart aches to be without.

My soul feels lost without it.

I have never wanted something so earnestly as this.

If I spend too long thinking about it, tears spring to my eyes fast and burning. 

I do not know what happens if I go too long without thinking about it because it's in my head always.

I have never wanted something so softly, so wholly, so deeply, so painfully in my life, and I have had an entire lifetime of wanting things.

But nothing like this.

Nothing so breathtaking, so impossible, so incandescent.

Nothing so terrifying, so transcendent, so delicate.

I have never wanted something so publicly and so privately all at once.

I want to scream about it.

I want to keep it secret.

I have never wanted anything like this in all my years of wanting.

I have never wanted anything like this.