Social Media Exile

About four days ago, I decided I was sick of the toxic ideals, vocabulary, and morals of pop culture and America in general.  I'm sick of seeing the words "bae" and "goals" and "selfie".  I'm sick of hearing about how "thigh gaps" are life goals for different people.  I'm sick of hearing about the Kardashians and Bruce/Caitlin and how make up can change your life.  I'm sick of hearing about how pastel hair is the new "thing".

I needed a break from main stream America and Pop Culture and trends and fads.  I needed to take a moment and come back to what I believe, what I know is right, and what is important to me.
So, I signed out of Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Kik, and Twitter (all the social media platforms I use) and I turned off the notifications for all five.  Yes, you read that right.  I turned off the notifications.  And the result was shocking.

What did I find? you might ask.  Well, here it is.

Day 1 was torture.  I checked my phone every ten minutes, on the dot, like an addict going through withdrawals in desperate need for their drug of choice.  I couldn't focus, I couldn't sit still.  I was restless, I was bored, I was irritable.  It was terrifying.  Technology and Social Media have weaseled themselves into our lives, convincing us we need the newest, biggest, touch screen.  Or that we NEED to know who wore it best, or what tragic fashion mistake Kim Kardashian made or who the latest celebrities to get divorced are.  We need it like we need air in our lungs.  We HAVE to know what that cute guy from high school is up to or what that crazy girl turned out to be or we'll just die.
But guess what: I'm still living.  I'm right here sucking in oxygen like I have every other day of my life.  And I'm not dead.

Day 2 was a whole new world.  I checked my phone every few hours, but it wasn't nearly as heartbreaking to remember I logged out of everything.  I could focus on chores and laundry and doing the dishes.  I found things that needed to be done and GET THIS: I actually had a good time.

By day 3, my IPod was missing almost 24/7 and I didn't really care where it was.  I only picked up my phone the two times it rang.  I got to spend an entire day enjoying the REAL company of my family, not obsessed with the virtual and insignificant lives of people I will never ever meet.

Today is day 4 and the benefits are really hitting me hard.  Not only is it perfectly okay not being tied to Facebook, or Instagram, but my mood has improved.  I'm not looking at photo shopped or even real pictures of girls who are naturally thin and thinking "man I really need to work out" or looking at filtered versions of selfies that took seventy takes to get perfect and thinking "man I'm never going to be as pretty as her".  I'm not looking at other peoples stomachs and thinking "I wish mine was that small" or looking at other people's relationships and thinking "gosh I'm so alone".
I've stopped comparing myself to everyone else.  I can look in the mirror, or into my heart, and think "hey, God made me beautiful and smart and talented and funny and outgoing and I rock it."  I think "man I'm blessed to have this life."

Without the constant shove of media trying to tell me who I should act like or what I should look like or what "pretty" is, I can find myself and become confident in the things God gave me.

I guess the point I'm trying to make in all of this, is that we don't realize how attached we are to our Faceboook profiles, or how many likes we get on Instagram or how many Snapchat friends we have.  We don't see the negative effect that Social Media is having on our emotions and our mentalities.  It is only when we chose to take two steps back that the real world and the reality of the nature of mass media can hit us square in the chest.  And folks, that isn't a good feeling.  It's scary, and unnerving.  It's like someone's had a hold on your mind and your heart that you never even knew about.

So I challenge you to become a Social Media Exile, try for just a week.  Sign out of all Social Media platforms; Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter, Periscope, Vine, Tumblr.  Sign out, and don't sign back in for an entire week.  Fight through the urge to check your notifications, turn them off completely.  If someone really needs you, they'll call or text or email.  You'll be amazed at the results and the mindset you find yourself in.  If you don't believe me, just try it,

Rain and Proverbs and Noah Oh My!

Could there be any more rain in Texas?
I feel like all we've done this summer is drown in wave after wave of pouring rain.
First, it was just a little rain.  And then we got this whole Tropical Storm Bill thing going on.  I'm so sick of rain, I can't stand it anymore.  The sky changes in an instant from blue and gorgeous with fluffy, cotton ball clouds, to entirely dismal and grey, dumping tons of water all over creation.

Poor Noah.  If we're sick of rain, can you imagine forty days and forty nights of it?  Enough to flood the entire world?  I wouldn't have done well on his ark.
But every time I think there's no end to the rain in sight, I manage to see a rainbow.  Like God is promising me, it's going to stop eventually.  He always keeps his promises, and I guess that's what's keeping me sane in this downpour.  Noah had enough faith to build an ark.  He had enough faith to trust God when he said it was going to rain enough to cover the entire earth.  All of Noah's neighbors thought he was crazy to do what he was doing and to listen to God.  But he never slowed down.  He did as God lead him, no matter how crazy it sounded.

In the wake of all this rain, and thinking of Noah, I'm reminded of what my own Christian walk should look like.  If God leads me somewhere, or to do something, I should go, no questions asked.  Even if my family, or my friends, or my neighbors, call me crazy and think I've lost my mind.  God knows what's going on.  He knows the future and the past and the present, and he wants the best for us.  So even when things seem crazy, even when we have those moments where we're asking "God, how is this even going to work?" we should do as he asks.

So as I listen to the thunder, and watch rain coat my window, and hear my dog's nails clack as he paces the floor outside my room, I want to encourage all of you to think like Noah.  To be faithful, no matter the circumstance,  to trust God even when our human minds can't comprehend the process.

Proverbs 3:5-6 tell us "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thineown understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."
We may not always understand what's happening, or what we feel He's leading us to, but if we trust him and put our faith in him, he will lead us.

Deafening Rain

The rain fell in deafening sheets as she stared out the window.  Such depressing weather.  How fitting.  It was like the sky was mimicking the turbulent emotions in her chest.

It was one of those days where she was dying to do something too tired to actually find pleasure in doing anything at all.  She had opened and closed Facebook six times.  Why she thought something life changing would have happened in the last ten minutes, she didn't know.  But she looked anyway.  Deep down, she was hoping the little green light would pop up next to his name.
Not that she would initiate a conversation.  It was just comforting to know they were doing the same thing when they were so far away from each other.  Well, comforting and simultaneously tremendously horrid.
With a sigh, she flopped back on her pillows and opened the little blue app again.  Nothing had changed.  All of her friends were either happily married, engaged, or pregnant.  People she used to know seemed like strangers.  His light was still off.  And she was still alone.

She signed off again and let the phone fall on her chest as she stared into the darkness.  She hadn't felt like turning the light on when she had closed the door behind her.  The cool darkness was comforting.  She felt like she blended in.  Like she belonged here, without light, without people.  That isn't fair.  she thought.  Why should I have to be alone?  Surrounded by people who have someone. 
That was the way her life seemed to go.  She was always just shy of being enough for someone.  People came together and fell apart all around her, but she never got the choice.  Someone might get close enough to brush her cheek, but they never stayed long enough for it to matter.

She tried to tell herself there was a purpose behind it.  That she was only going to be alone for a little while longer, and then her prince charming would come.  Maybe he got stuck in traffic.  But a month had turned into a year which somehow had flown into four.  Four years.  She'd had one date, a disaster.  She's been on the verge of something once or twice, but it fell through both times.  But it was enough to make it hurt.  It was enough to make her second guess herself.  It was enough to make her wonder if she was the problem.  Maybe she was too tall, too sarcastic.  Maybe she wasn't pretty enough, or smart enough, or funny enough.

But every negative thought shied away when she thought of him.  So maybe they hadn't been a "thing", and maybe they hadn't even been on the verge of a "thing", but they had something... right?  He hadn't shied away.  He had bowed up.  He fought back and made her laugh and made her feel like she mattered.  He gave her back years of confidence that had been stripped away.  So what happened?  He was there, inches from her one day, and the next he literally walked away without a word.

She liked to tell herself he had to, because goodbye would have hurt too much.  But her head knew better than her heart wanted to believe.  As she replayed their conversations over in her head, she pulled her knees up to her aching chest.  He would know what to say right now.  She thought as a tear slipped onto her jeans,  He always did.  And somehow, she let him get away.

The Life. The Guardian Angel. The Memory.

He was tall, well dressed, handsome.

He was witty, smart, funny.

He could talk to anyone, about anything, at any time.

 

She was tall...somewhat. She prayed she dressed appropriately.

She was witty as well, but awkward and nervous.

She hated strangers, and conversation, and especially hated conversation with strangers.

He came along and swept her up in his sarcastic, swaggering world.
Something in him was toxic to her walls, and they fell like silken curtains and gathered around her feet.  The destruction was a beautiful, glimmering, hopeful sight to see.  He put her insecurities down for a deep sleep, and banished her fears with a smile.  He made from this awkward slump of a girl, a gliding, beautiful, goddess, simply keen on being herself.

It was amazing, the transformation he set ablaze in her.  Insecurity faded to carelessness and then blazed in a flame of confidence.  Her heart shrank away in fear, and then grew and grew, parts melting that had previously been iced over.  In the mirror, she no longer saw tawny, tangled locks but strands of woven gold.  Suddenly, her laugh was signature, and unique, not embarrassing as before.

Every sideways grin, every quiet compliment, every silent look helped shatter her fears and blow them away.  He was a hurricane of life and renewal.  He washed away the ashen dust of her past and planted seeds of life in her chest.  Even with distance, he was a gentle sprinkle of faith when she needed it most.  And just like that, with a handful of moments gathered up and stuck in her back pocket, she was new.  She ran with life, instead of hiding, and every step she took, she credited to him.
He was everything to her;
The rain in the drought.
The sun in the storm.
The rainbow in the dusty skies.
The life after death.
The guardian angel who saved her then.
And he would always be the memory she never got tired of replaying in her head.