Strong? Not Even Close.

People think I'm strong. I don't like to cry in front of other. I don't like to seem upset at all. In fact, the other day my mom told me she was glad I was "strong enough to see her upset and not think the whole world is falling apart". But I'll let you in on a little secret, I'm not strong at all.

While I sit typing the truth, my hands shake and the screen is blurry from tears I cant keep in.
I'm not strong. I feel like my world is falling apart on the inside but I rarely show it. But sometimes you get to a point where strong isn't an option anymore. I feel like everything around me is falling to pieces. Things I was so sure of are making my head spin. Grief I thought had dissipated is coming in waves like its brand new. The people around me are screaming at each other and I've resorted to locking myself in my room and crying and pouring my soul out to you people kind enough to read the madness I write.

I'm not strong. I'm broken. I'm scared. I'm hurt. I'm confused. And I'm faking a smile so hard it feels like plaster.  I'm faking so many things. Faking having a plan. Faking confidence. Faking a laugh when all I want to do is cry. Faking independence.

I need help. I need someone to know. So, im telling you. And I think that's all I need. I just need someone out there to know, whether they care or not, whether they can do anything about it or not. I just need someone to know that im not strong, and that I break down sometimes.