Why I Write

We were asked in class a few days ago to say why we write and why our writing matters to us.  I don't like verbally sharing my feelings so I said something mildly sarcastic and non-emotional, but I kind of regret that now.  Because I feel like it's such an important question to answer.  My feelings about this topic are a little messy, so forgive any messy explanation to follow.

I write because I want to change how people view femininity.  I've grown up in a society where feminism is growing.  And that's awesome, because women should never be treated as less human or less worthy than men.  BUT I think in some cases it becomes so fanatical that it kind of works against itself and it pushes women back into the corner we're fighting so hard to get out of.  For example, my love of glitter and Starbucks and love stories and Taylor Swift music now makes me "basic" and "girly" when it should just make me who I am.  I write to challenge this idea that a "strong woman" can't also love kittens and glitter and princesses.  I write because I think a strong girl doesn't have to be the underdog, or the "Katniss", or the "pretty-in-a-nerdy-way" girl that fights through the ranks.  I think a strong girl can be anyone.  I think she can be me; she can be in the middle of the popularity pyramid, relatively smart but not a genius, and mildly outgoing.  I write so that we can have more of the middle and less of the polar extremities.  Don't get me wrong, I ADORE Katniss and the entire Hunger Games series, but I don't think that's the only kind of "strong woman" out there.

I write because I believe in the complexity of people.  I don't believe in stereotypes.  I've written here before about my old friends who used to call me by my hair color instead of my name, and that just sickens me.  I write because I want to show girls out there that they can love skateboarding AND tutus AND their favorite color can be pink. I want to show them you don't have to pick one part of yourself and that you can love it all.  I write because I want to create characters who are walking contradictions, just like people are, because I believe in that so much more than I believe in stereotypes.  I want to show people that you can love Disney Princess movies, and your room can be pink and you can love glitter, all while you kick tail at Call of Duty and drive a loud truck and jam out to Van Halen.

There are so many opinions out there on what a woman is, and what it means to be strong, and what feminism is, and it's honestly too much for me.  I write to challenge all of those few points that say we have to be all one thing or we are less of something else, because that's simply not true.  I write to show the world how I can be all the little mixed up parts of myself that don't match but that make me unique.

Moonlit Secrets

Moonlight trickles through the window and warms the soul like whiskey as the stars wink, daring us to tell our secrets; and we do.
They bubble up from the wells of our souls and spring forward into the space between us until we're breathless and lost in our words.
Nighttime loosens the tongue and coaxes forth the darkest thoughts.
They leap from our brains and through our mouths and hang between us like dirty chandeliers.
Instead of tucking them away quietly, and pretending they didn't escape, we watch the way the light glitters off of them and we hang more in the air.
The glint of our truest thoughts is different in the softer, paler light of the moon.
They don't seem so dangerous hanging there between us like that.
They seem more delicate, more genuine, more unique.
We close our eyes on them before the sun comes up so we don't have to watch them transform from darkly beautiful antiques to the monstrosity that the sunlight makes of them.
And then we wait until the horizon has gone dark to pull them out and stare at them again, in the glow of the moon, giving into the coxing of the stars.

It's Easier With Strangers

It's so much easier knowing where we stand with strangers.
There aren't so many words passed between us.
So many secrets slipped back and forth like currency.
So many glances that could be confused for looks.
With strangers, there's no question of where you stand because you don't stand there long enough to care.
You don't count the miles between your hearts to the nearest inch.
You don't count the days that start to stretch between you or the seconds of silence that linger on the phone line.
With strangers, you can just let go.
And with everyone else, you're left wondering and holding on and overthinking everything.